Friday, November 30, 2012

Baby #4 Is A....

So this morning when my alarm clock went off, I noticed Abby was singing along with it. Apparently, since they have me up before it goes off every morning, so they hear it every morning, she has it memorized.

Abby was singing a Christmas song they have been practicing at school for her Christmas program and I heard her sing, "Down through the chimney with Satan Nick." I then explained what a SAINT is.

I woke up this morning to hear Kole saying, "Mommy is crazy! She drives me insane!" To which Abby replied, "(Gasp!) Don't say that! Mommy isn't... very... crazy..."

Thanksgiving morning Abby sat down to breakfast and started listing off things she was thankful for, without being  asked to. That's one of those moments you think that maybe you aren't completely screwing up your children.

Mine and Roger's conversation:
Roger: "That's not what I said."
Me: "It's what you meant."
Roger: "No. That's what you wanted to hear."
Me: "That's not what I wanted to hear. That's what you meant. Women hear what men mean, not what they say."

We found out we are having a baby girl!!! On the way home from the ultrasound Abby had heartburn and she was whining about it. After about an hour of whining she screamed, "NOW I CAN'T FEEL MY FEET!!! I CAN'T FEEL MY FEET!! MY TUMMY HURTS AND NOW I CAN'T FEEL MY FEET!" I told her they were in no way related and that she was fine, they had just fallen asleep. Drama queen. When we got home Roger told me he lost his job.

The kids wouldn't stop scooting the chairs around the kitchen and using them as stools to get into things. So, I taped the chair legs to the table legs. It's worked so far!

We got Ammon up from his nap and he was poopy... But his diaper was missing...

Kole, with his mouth, "PPPPPP! (a farting noise) Ammon farted!" Nice try dude, but you are going to have to do better than that when you try and get your brother in trouble.

Roger: "Sorry I was wrong."
Me: "you always are."
Roger: "I was right about one thing though..."
Me: "marrying me?"
Roger: "yup!"
Me: "yeah I know. I was the one who was wrong there." ;) good thing we both have the same sarcastic humor.

Friday, November 16, 2012

The Naughty List

Ammon is in the 'try on every one's shoes and wear them through the house' stage. His head has bruises on it's bruises because the big shoes cause him to face plant it all the time.

The couch and the boys are covered in Rice Crispy cereal.

Abby and Kole are playing with some stuffed animals and Abby's bird was crying saying how her "baby was killed by the bird catcher.". Kole then explained, "Don't worry. She will still be your baby in heaven."

Kole hasn't been listening to me, like, at all... So I sent him this thinking it might encourage him to listen:
He broke into tears when it told him he's not on the 'nice' list yet. BUT an hour after he watched it, he still wasn't listening to me so I put him in his room until he is ready to listen. He is now in there crying, "I'm on the naughty list! I'm on the naughty list!" Who gets the best mother of the year award? Not me!
I do believe, I am on the 'naughty list'.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Last Friday night after the kids went to bed Roger lit the fireplace and put a cushion on the rug in front of it and asked me to come sit in front of the fire with him.
Me: "Oh no you don't. I know what guys have in mind when they want a girl to sit by the fire with them."
Roger: "What do you mean?"
Me: "You know exactly what I mean. I know what guys are like."
Roger: "Oh you have experience, huh?"
Me: (Give him that 'shut up' look) "You know what I mean!"
Eventually I gave in and snuggled with him in front of the fire. He then started squeezing my head.
Me: "Why are you squeezing my head like that?"
Roger: "It makes me closer to you."
Me: (unable to control the urge, I burst into song) "AAAAHHHHHHHHH! CLOSE TO YOU!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH! CLOSE TO YOU!!!!"
It sounded a lot like Elliot (the boy deer) in this video (at 1:35 if you want to skip to it).
The weekend was great! I told Roger I needed the weekend "off" because it was exhausted. He agreed to that. So my weekend "off" included, a 2 hour grocery shopping trip with him and the kids at 6:30 am on Saturday morning. Then coming home and cooking lunch. Then baking and cooking and cooking some more with a bunch of cleaning on the side. Sunday included going to church, then coming home and cooking and baking and cooking some more, with a bit of cleaning on the side. Roger did some dishes, broke up some of the kids' fights, got them to bed, and helped with baths. It was actually, believe it or not, a huge break (even though I hate grocery shopping, cleaning, and cooking/baking).

Kole has continued his destructive streak. Yesterday while Roger was at work Kole went to the bathroom. After him being in there a while I went in to find he had drawn with crayon all over the toilet, garbage can, and floor. We sat in there for about 2 hours while he scrubbed that up, crying the whole time about how it wasn't coming off and how hard it was. Hopefully he learned his lesson, but since he has had to scrub permanent marker off the wall and crayon off the windows this month and obviously didn't learn a great lesson from having to do that....

Kole also gave Chance a hair cut! Some how Kole got a hold of the scissors and cut a chunk of hair off the top of Chance's head, off the back of his neck, out of his side, and off the tip of his tail.

Kole ran into the edge of the counter and split his forehead open. Abby was in a panic and cried as she went to get a band aid for me to put on him. Kole had surprisingly very little reaction about the blood. Hope he was in shock or something.

I turned on some Mickey Mouse songs on and the kids are being entertained by dancing and making shadows on the living room wall. It's rather fun to watch.

Got the kids to bed, after much fighting between Abby and Kole.

Chased a 1 year old yogurt monster (aka Ammon), who was running back and forth across the table to avoid being wiped up.

Took Abby to a birthday party and Kole was upset that he couldn't go too... So we came home and made rice crispy treats while listening to 'Scripture Scouts'.
(For those who might be wondering about Scripture Scouts, I highly recommend it! They are audio stories about a group of kids that act out scripture stories and my kids have learned more from them then they have from me telling them the scripture stories 3 million times.

While reading an email from Abby's Kindergarten teacher about her concern about Abby's fear of going to the bathroom by herself at school, Ammon came strolling into the room covered in white cream with a tube of diaper rash cream in his hand. I went and cleaned him up, then came back to the computer and started typing. I then noticed the back of my hand was covered in diaper rash cream.

Got Abby from her party. Sat down and talked to her about her bathroom fear. She told me there is a crack in the bathroom ceiling that she thinks spiders will come out of. I told her the school sprays for bugs so if any spiders were in there they would die. She accepted that answer and said she'd go by herself tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

Abby shared her tootsie rolls from her party goodie bag and Kole was standing there chewing one of those huge ones and talking and suddenly I look over to see a string of slobber from his mouth all the way down to the floor. Those tootsie rolls sure make your mouth water don't they?

Abby and Kole are standing on the back porch throwing snowballs at the dogs and laughing wickedly. They are slightly twisted children. It's still a mystery to me where they get that from.

The kids had a race of who could get ready for bed the fastest. Abby won and came in and did a victory dance that reminded me a lot of this:

Abby told us that the other night she had a nightmare that a giant monster was chasing the bus. I pictured it and couldn't help but laugh.

I know I don't sugar coat things. I'm rather sarcastic. And I don't pretend motherhood is picture perfect. Motherhood is HARD! Motherhood is Frustrating! 98% of the time I want to scream and stomp and pull my hair out. Motherhood is even downright disgusting (there are a lot of bodily fluids). Motherhood pushes every patience button you didn't even know you had! Motherhood is painful! Motherhood is stinky! Motherhood is exhausting!
AND Motherhood is worth it.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Wild Things and Honey

Ammon's been rather good today. I guess he knew I had no extra patience.
Kole has been crying non-stop since he woke up. NOT. EVEN. EXAGGERATING.

He also got the honey out of the pantry. Sweet, ooey gooey, sticky, honey and dumped the entire bottle all over the pantry shelves and floor. He got a swat on the behind (He deserved it. He knows better.) and put in his room until dinnertime and he is presently in there crying about how I'm a bad mom.

 You know that book 'Where the Wild Things Are'?... Yeah, that's our house. Our house is where the wild things are.

Abby while cutting up some papers for her homework page, cut up little pieces of paper and spread them all over the bedrooms and living room. I was in the kitchen, hence the no paper in the kitchen.

Talked to my mom on the phone and mentioned our snow (about a foot deep now) and she thought it wise to tell me she was in her backyard, barefooted, watering her palm tree. I'm moving south for the winter. And I'm not taking my kids with me. I'm tempted to call child services on myself some days and tell them I'm not fit to be a mother, because lets face it, prison would be such a nice break.

During dinner I went to go lay down because "morning sickness" hangs onto me night and day, the whole 9 months. Then I discovered Kole had used his spoon to catapult his egg drop soup all over the kitchen. What a dear. That is why I have dogs. The floor was cleaned up for me.

Roger got home and asked why Ammon is always running around pants-less when he gets home. I explained that, " 'bout mid-day everyday he just decides he's done with 'em and drops 'em where he stands".

Sometimes I ask Roger how I got to be a mother because I feel like I'm terrible at it. He usually replies, "Well, when a man and a woman love each other...." then he gets whacked with the closest pillow I can grab.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Mutant Aliens and Klingon's

I told Abby to go get dressed for school. She replied, "I am dressed." No, Abby, just because you refused to get PJ's on last night so you wore your clothes from yesterday to bed, does NOT mean you are dressed for today.

I was laying down and Abby came up and started poking my belly and talking to the baby, "I love you, baby, but you better be a girl."

Why I love German Pancakes:
1. Kole will eat them!
2. I almost ALWAYS have the ingredients for them.
3. Who doesn't love eating food that looks like a deformed/ mutant alien forming in the oven?

Kole, our natural born vegetarian asked to try a bite of chicken today! I was so excited thinking maybe he was growing out of his non-meat taste. He took the bite, chewed for a while, then spit it in the garbage. We really question if he is our child sometimes.

Abby got home from school and I asked her what they did. She said they didn't do any letters or numbers, or even read anything, but they DID play on the playground twice and practiced the 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' song. Well, as long as she's learning the important stuff right?

Got my swimsuit on and gave the dogs a long overdue bath. Do you know how hard it is to wash a dog that is the size of a full grown human on all fours, in a shower that is 3'-3'? Roxy is pretty easy since she just moves and does what I tell her, but Chance hates water, lays down, and plays dead on the shower floor. After about 2 hours (with the kids watching through the shower door laughing, it's more entertaining than TV!) I had both dogs clean and mostly dry and let them out and went to shower the hair off of myself. I got out and found that the kids had let the dogs outside and Chance had rolled in the dirt. That whole ordeal was completely worth my time.
Roxy is the dark colored one, Chance is the light one.

It's stormy today, which means my joints ache. Don't know why, they just always have, although they got better for a while while we didn't live at high altitudes, so I think it might have something to do with that. My entire childhood my mom had to rub Bengay cream on my hips, knees, and ankles every night so I could get any sleep... Must have cost them a fortune in Bengay.

Ammon fell down the stairs today. Got a nice lump on his forehead. (Hard to see in the picture because of my cell's crappy flash.)
I don't know about you, but it kind of reminds me of one of those Klingon people from Star Trek with the weird foreheads... And no, I didn't know they were called Klingon's, Roger told me.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Raising Criminals... It's What I Do.

EVERYTHING her teacher sends home, Abby feels the need to forge my signature and sign off everything herself. I think we have a criminal in the making...
So our family was having dinner and Roger and I were talking about the latest results on the election and Kole says, "I don't like Obama." I asked, "Why?" Kole replied, "Cause he eats babies." I am not so sure about that, but... I could be wrong...
For the record, I did correct Kole and tell him Obama doesn't eat babies.
Does anyone know if it's illegal to restrain your children with duct tape??
(It's a joke! Ha. Ha.)
I. JUST. CHANGED. THIS. SHIRT... JUST CHANGED IT!!! Can you kids not allow my clothes to stay clean for 5 minutes!? That's all I ask! I have spaghetti sauce on my recently clean shirt and... ew. Is that a booger on my pants?? (sigh) I guess I'm changing again... No wonder I do so much laundry.
Speaking of laundry. I just finished it all yesterday and had the kids put their own away like usual. Well, apparently with it ALL done at one time the excess just didn't fit into Kole's drawer. I later found all that hard laundress work gone to waste with most of his clean clothes scattered around their bedroom.
I also found gum stuck to their bedroom floor. Stupid Halloween candy. They snuck it off the top of the fridge.
I also found them in their room today with the permanent markers, and their mattresses pulled off their beds, drawing on the board that goes under the mattress, and oh yes, some lines on the wall... And their bodies and faces. They got to use the magic erasers. THIS is why I can't clean my house! I do one room and this happens in another!
At dinner Roger was talking about his drive home and Abby butts in, "hey guess what! My class isn't allowed to fart in school!" I explained that's because it's not polite and Abby replies, "well I fart on the playground outside." (sigh) what a dainty daughter I have.
Just walked into the room to find Roger and the kids singing to the tune of 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'... Their lyrics went, "mommy had some crazy kids. Crazy kids. Crazy kids. Mommy had some crazy kids. And they drove her nuts.
Things Ammon broke today: A few toys, the plug thing in the sink, some panels off of the fireplace, the computer (well messed it up anyway), and last but not least, a fluorescent light bulb (Believe it or not none of those things are a first... That little devil can get to anything, even the ceiling!)

And to finish the post... A video a friend sent me because it had my "name written all over it". Haha! Some people know me too well.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Free Toddler

Woke up in the night to Ammon coughing and gasping for air. Ran into his room and made sure he was alright. Decided to bring him back to our bed to sleep with us in case it happened again. Didn't get any sleep,  but did get Ammon pressing his face against mine and hugging my neck, so I didn't mind.

Had a wrestling match with Ammon. Pinned him to the ground with my legs. All just to wipe his snotty nose.

Went to empty the dishwasher. Discovered Ammon had put his dirty bowl that had dry cereal in it onto the rack. Shredded Mini Wheat were everywhere, but I told him he was a good helper and he replied with a "yeah".

Ammon tried to feed Chance his food. I allow the dogs to eat it off the floor and such, but with Ammon giving it right to him he was starting to take food from Ammon thinking it was free game. So as soon as I saw Ammon put it on the floor in front of Chance and Chance took it I went over laid that dog out (that weighs as much as me) opened his mouth, reached down his throat, (I could see the food cause he had tried to swallow it whole and didn't succeed) pulled it out and threw it away. That's right. I'm hard core. Don't mess with me.

Roger called and told me we were going on a road trip this weekend. He had a job interview in St. George, 5 hours away. So I got everything packed and ready to go with much "help" from the kids. I remembered to pack everything, except my clothes. He got the offer, but the job ended up being one of those door to door salesmen people, so he turned it down. Oh well, at least we got to spend the weekend with family instead of the original plan of cleaning house.

While we were down in St. George we went hiking on the red cliffs. We discovered Kole has a fear of heights. He screamed the whole time. Everyone on the hills nearby were staring at us like they were in decision to call child services because we must have been torturing that poor child. It was a fun family outing for sure.

We got back home last night and just put the sleeping kids right into their beds. Abby woke up with a bad dream about some bad person taking a kid. I got her to go back to sleep and have since been feeling very sick and faint, don't know how much of that cleaning I'll be able to get done.

Kole cleaned up toys and books. Ammon then dumped all the books back onto the floor. Kole came into the room crying because he had a lunch bag stuck on his head. Ammon is sitting next to me singing.

Ammon was kind enough to escort me to the bathroom, so I taught him how to play with the empty toilet paper roll. He then stood on the stool and copied me as I washed my hands and even tried to copy my whistling. Yes, I whistle a lot.

Kole was using the bathroom and came out telling me he needed a band aid. His thumb was gushing blood. We went back to the bathroom to wash it and get him a band aid and I walked in to find Roger's face razor on the floor surrounded in blood. We got everything cleaned up and had a talk about the "little knives" that are on razors and had the "that's why I've told you not to not touch them" talk.

Ammon drank vinegar. He now knows he doesn't like vinegar.

You know those days where you can't handle all the crap you've accumulated and you just go crazy and throw out everything in sight? I do.
Goodbye three bags of trash and 2 bags of toys.

Having my one year old "help" me do dishes makes me want to put a 'Free Toddler' ad in the newspaper.
Having the 'Free Toddler' choke during lunch and having to preform the Heimlich maneuver makes me realize I'm really invested and love this kid so I decided not to put the ad out.

Got the dishwasher powder soap all cleaned up off the kitchen floor... And out of my bra. Not sure how that happened.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Ain't That a Shame

It's NOVEMBER!!! One of my favorite months! No, not because it's my birthday month, but because of Thanksgiving!!! Thanksgiving and the 4th of July are my absolute favorites! I love getting together with my huge family and eating good food! What could be better than that?

This morning Kole dumped Abby's basket of hair things (elastics, bows, etc.) all over the couch. I told him if he wanted a snack, he had to clean them up. So as he threw his little tantrum on the living room floor, and the stairs, and his bedroom, and the kitchen, I found myself singing the chorus to the song by Fat Domino, 'Ain't That a Shame'. I'm terribly sympathetic in case you haven't noticed.
For those of you who weren't raised with the good oldies... 

Chorus says: Ain't that a shame.
My tears fell like rain.
Ain't that a shame.
You're the one to blame.

Had a taquito thrown at my face.

Out of all the Halloween candy, Kole is eating smarties and singing, "I'm eating smarties. I'm a smartie."

The kids have been WILD today. More than normal. I called Roger to see if he was off work yet, he had just gotten off and has a 50 min commute home (if traffic is good). I told him, "You should probably hurry like your children's lives depend on it... Because they might."