Raising Criminals... It's What I Do.

EVERYTHING her teacher sends home, Abby feels the need to forge my signature and sign off everything herself. I think we have a criminal in the making...

 

So our family was having dinner and Roger and I were talking about the latest results on the election and Kole says, "I don't like Obama." I asked, "Why?" Kole replied, "Cause he eats babies." I am not so sure about that, but... I could be wrong...
For the record, I did correct Kole and tell him Obama doesn't eat babies.

 

Does anyone know if it's illegal to restrain your children with duct tape??
(It's a joke! Ha. Ha.)

 

I. JUST. CHANGED. THIS. SHIRT... JUST CHANGED IT!!! Can you kids not allow my clothes to stay clean for 5 minutes!? That's all I ask! I have spaghetti sauce on my recently clean shirt and... ew. Is that a booger on my pants?? (sigh) I guess I'm changing again... No wonder I do so much laundry.

 

Speaking of laundry. I just finished it all yesterday and had the kids put their own away like usual. Well, apparently with it ALL done at one time the excess just didn't fit into Kole's drawer. I later found all that hard laundress work gone to waste with most of his clean clothes scattered around their bedroom.

 

I also found gum stuck to their bedroom floor. Stupid Halloween candy. They snuck it off the top of the fridge.

 

I also found them in their room today with the permanent markers, and their mattresses pulled off their beds, drawing on the board that goes under the mattress, and oh yes, some lines on the wall... And their bodies and faces. They got to use the magic erasers. THIS is why I can't clean my house! I do one room and this happens in another!

 

At dinner Roger was talking about his drive home and Abby butts in, "hey guess what! My class isn't allowed to fart in school!" I explained that's because it's not polite and Abby replies, "well I fart on the playground outside." (sigh) what a dainty daughter I have.

 

Just walked into the room to find Roger and the kids singing to the tune of 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'... Their lyrics went, "mommy had some crazy kids. Crazy kids. Crazy kids. Mommy had some crazy kids. And they drove her nuts.

 

Things Ammon broke today: A few toys, the plug thing in the sink, some panels off of the fireplace, the computer (well messed it up anyway), and last but not least, a fluorescent light bulb (Believe it or not none of those things are a first... That little devil can get to anything, even the ceiling!)

And to finish the post... A video a friend sent me because it had my "name written all over it". Haha! Some people know me too well.

Free Toddler

Woke up in the night to Ammon coughing and gasping for air. Ran into his room and made sure he was alright. Decided to bring him back to our bed to sleep with us in case it happened again. Didn't get any sleep,  but did get Ammon pressing his face against mine and hugging my neck, so I didn't mind.

Had a wrestling match with Ammon. Pinned him to the ground with my legs. All just to wipe his snotty nose.

Went to empty the dishwasher. Discovered Ammon had put his dirty bowl that had dry cereal in it onto the rack. Shredded Mini Wheat were everywhere, but I told him he was a good helper and he replied with a "yeah".

Ammon tried to feed Chance his food. I allow the dogs to eat it off the floor and such, but with Ammon giving it right to him he was starting to take food from Ammon thinking it was free game. So as soon as I saw Ammon put it on the floor in front of Chance and Chance took it I went over laid that dog out (that weighs as much as me) opened his mouth, reached down his throat, (I could see the food cause he had tried to swallow it whole and didn't succeed) pulled it out and threw it away. That's right. I'm hard core. Don't mess with me.

Roger called and told me we were going on a road trip this weekend. He had a job interview in St. George, 5 hours away. So I got everything packed and ready to go with much "help" from the kids. I remembered to pack everything, except my clothes. He got the offer, but the job ended up being one of those door to door salesmen people, so he turned it down. Oh well, at least we got to spend the weekend with family instead of the original plan of cleaning house.

While we were down in St. George we went hiking on the red cliffs. We discovered Kole has a fear of heights. He screamed the whole time. Everyone on the hills nearby were staring at us like they were in decision to call child services because we must have been torturing that poor child. It was a fun family outing for sure.

We got back home last night and just put the sleeping kids right into their beds. Abby woke up with a bad dream about some bad person taking a kid. I got her to go back to sleep and have since been feeling very sick and faint, don't know how much of that cleaning I'll be able to get done.

Kole cleaned up toys and books. Ammon then dumped all the books back onto the floor. Kole came into the room crying because he had a lunch bag stuck on his head. Ammon is sitting next to me singing.

Ammon was kind enough to escort me to the bathroom, so I taught him how to play with the empty toilet paper roll. He then stood on the stool and copied me as I washed my hands and even tried to copy my whistling. Yes, I whistle a lot.

Kole was using the bathroom and came out telling me he needed a band aid. His thumb was gushing blood. We went back to the bathroom to wash it and get him a band aid and I walked in to find Roger's face razor on the floor surrounded in blood. We got everything cleaned up and had a talk about the "little knives" that are on razors and had the "that's why I've told you not to not touch them" talk.

Ammon drank vinegar. He now knows he doesn't like vinegar.

You know those days where you can't handle all the crap you've accumulated and you just go crazy and throw out everything in sight? I do.
Goodbye three bags of trash and 2 bags of toys.

Having my one year old "help" me do dishes makes me want to put a 'Free Toddler' ad in the newspaper.
Having the 'Free Toddler' choke during lunch and having to preform the Heimlich maneuver makes me realize I'm really invested and love this kid so I decided not to put the ad out.

Got the dishwasher powder soap all cleaned up off the kitchen floor... And out of my bra. Not sure how that happened.

Ain't That a Shame

It's NOVEMBER!!! One of my favorite months! No, not because it's my birthday month, but because of Thanksgiving!!! Thanksgiving and the 4th of July are my absolute favorites! I love getting together with my huge family and eating good food! What could be better than that?

This morning Kole dumped Abby's basket of hair things (elastics, bows, etc.) all over the couch. I told him if he wanted a snack, he had to clean them up. So as he threw his little tantrum on the living room floor, and the stairs, and his bedroom, and the kitchen, I found myself singing the chorus to the song by Fat Domino, 'Ain't That a Shame'. I'm terribly sympathetic in case you haven't noticed.

For those of you who weren't raised with the good oldies... 

Chorus says: Ain't that a shame.

My tears fell like rain.

Ain't that a shame.

You're the one to blame.

Had a taquito thrown at my face.

Out of all the Halloween candy, Kole is eating smarties and singing, "I'm eating smarties. I'm a smartie."

The kids have been WILD today. More than normal. I called Roger to see if he was off work yet, he had just gotten off and has a 50 min commute home (if traffic is good). I told him, "You should probably hurry like your children's lives depend on it... Because they might."

Happy Halloween!

"Mommy... You make me sick." That's what Kole just told me. I'm assuming he's trying to blame me for his cold.

Abby likes to tell me how big my belly is getting. Good thing I have her around to keep my pride in check.

Ammon has learned to say "Uh-Oh!".
He's also been very busy teething. All. Night. Long.

Kole just ran into the room yelling, "I did a chore!" And he had! He went and cleaned up toys and dirty clothes without me even asking him! Want to know how I did it?? Too bad, that's my little secret... OK just kidding. I just started taking away toys if the kids didn't listen to me the first time I asked them to do something (like get ready for bed, etc.) And in order to earn back their toys they have to do a chore (such as pick up the living room or whatever else needs doing) and for every room/chore they clean/complete, they get ONE toy back. I've never had such GOOD cleaners!

Abby wanted to hand out the candy to the trick-or-treaters. By ALL means! Please do! There is nothing I enjoy more than going to the door every two minutes to give little greedy kids candy!

After the kids are all in bed, I go through their Halloween candy! I got me a nice little pile and set it next to me on the couch. I reached over to get some more and there sat Roger. Me: "What'd you do with my candy!?" Roger: I moved it over so I could sit by you." Me: "What makes you think I'd rather sit by you?!" Happy Halloween everybody! :)

I. Hate. Mondays.

This is by far the weirdest Monday I've ever had. 

This morning at 2:40am we heard a knock at our door. Roger went and answered it. It was some guys here to repossess our landlord's things. Roger told them that we are just renting and the people they were looking for live in Oregon so they left. Apparently the repossessing guys come in the middle of the night... Did you know that? I didn't. We've never dealt with them before since we do this weird thing called not buying things you don't have the money for and paying your bills. We're insane, right?

Then the day pretty much went by normally... And by normally I mean normal for our family...

Then the kids were playing with the dogs in their bedroom and all of the sudden Abby runs out to tell me the dogs got out. How, you ask? Oh the kids opened their window which is above a roof ledge and the dogs jumped right out onto it and off the ledge onto the ground! So I spent the next 10 or so minutes out grabbing them and bringing them home. Lately, I really want to beat my dogs. But, I was glad we had them in the middle of the night last night as Roger was at the door and I was sitting in our bedroom ready to 'sic' them on whoever was at the door since it was taking Roger a long time and I was growing a little concerned that someone had a gun to his head!

Welcome to my Nightmare

For those of you who haven't seen the TV show 'Super Why', it's a kid's show on PBS where 4 little kids (well, one is a pig) who live in "story book village" turn into "super readers" to help solve problems in their village by reading books to find the solution to their problem. 

ANYWAY, today the kids were watching it and when the kids turn into super readers Abby said, "And do their parents know about this!?... That their kids are super heroes!?"

Then later Wyatt (the main kid) holds his phone up to the TV to show the picture on it. Abby then commented, "He shouldn't put his phone in our face..."

The kids and I were watching 'The Muppet Show' Halloween Special and it has this part on it... I suddenly realized how much his 'Welcome to my Nightmare' song fit my life and this blog in a really weird way...

Now I'm not saying having kids is a nightmare. It can be pretty darn close... But actually in all seriousness, my nightmares are WAY more morbid so I'll spare you.

Speaking of nightmares and weird dreams... I had a weird dream
 last night that I was staying at my parent's house and they had tigers in one of their bedrooms and then some guys were trying to steal my little sister's car out of their garage, so I walked into the garage, cocked my shotgun, and they left. The pansies.

Went shopping. A man asked our kids if they were groceries too and how much they cost. Roger replied, "Too much!"

The Hulk

A note to my husband:

Dear Roger, I love you, but, when will you learn that no matter how high you turn up the heat, it will NOT heat the house if you keep covering up the vents! Signed; Your loving and always right wife, Amy

Ammon used a plastic bowl to go bowling for dogs. Our dogs thoroughly enjoyed the game, I'm sure.

Kole just came into the room snoring. I look over at him and he is pretending to sleep walk.

Heard Ammon crying in a frustrated way. I came into the kitchen to find him sitting on the table and ripping open the buttons on his PJ's like the Hulk or something.

Roger: "I wonder why I'm so tired all the time."
Me: "It's probably cause you don't spend enough time with your wife... Or you're pregnant."
Roger: "Must be that. I'm most definitely pregnant."

I sneezed and said, "I think I just peed myself."