I'm sure you are all dying to know every detail of my day. So here it is, just for you. You're welcome...
Ammon was up in the night. I was up in the night. The kids woke up. Alarm went off, two hours after the kids had gotten up.
Ammon dumped out his bowl of cereal and Abby and Kole start going off about how that makes them so mad and they are going to "move him out of the house if he doesn't stop." I told them to "stop saying stuff like that." To which Kole tells me, "You don't have to be rude about it. Jesus doesn't like when you are mean." and Abby chimes in, "Yeah, Jesus already suffered and when you are mean it makes him suffer more. To which I replied with my palm smacking my forehead.
The kids excitedly looked out the window and sang about the snow that's falling and with each flake that falls I become slightly more crazy. I. Hate. Snow. Sometimes I question if they are my children.
Found out my nephew is in the ICU.
Got Abby on the school bus. I hate snow.
Reached for my secret candy stash. Fought with the boys over my candy. They won the candy corn, but I won the Now and Laters. And it's still not even 9am.
Hear Kole screaming, "Ammon's gonna bite me!". Go into kitchen to find both boys climbing the fridge. Take them down, put kitchen chair back at the table. Ammon brings chair back to fridge. I put chair back and divert them with some applesauce. Reward myself with applesauce for being an awesome mom. Boys then blow air into the pouches the apple sauce was in and use them for a "balloon fight".
Try to do laundry. Ammon dumps clean laundry out all over dog hairy floor. Vacuum dog hair floor. Rewash dog hair clothes. Try to fold laundry, again.
Kole comes in room sounding like he's choking. He gasps for air and coughs out the words, "Ammon is stinky." I change Ammon.
Follow trail of little wet footprints down the hallway. Find puddle. Pray it's not pee. Wipe it up. Color is questionable. Sanitize floor.
Wipe mud off the dogs when they come into the house from their potty break. Find out Ammon took that time to dump my gallon sized water jug all over my bed. Clean that up. Gag while changing Ammon, again.
Clean up the crackers that Ammon threw all over the living room. Ammon throws massive tantrum because I took the crackers away. He throws a cracker at my head and one at the computer as I type this. Apparently I missed two. Ammon bites Kole in the midst of his rage. I get a phone call and try and make it sound like I haven't just been in the middle of beating my children. Although if they would have asked if I was, I might have been tempted to say, "Yes. Please turn me in."
Ammon climbs onto my lap and wipes gobs of slobber on my face. Then I turned on Dora to give me a break, and for 22 minutes, there was peace.
For lunch, reheated leftovers! Plus a screaming one year old, hanging on my legs and pulling my pants down, because 30 seconds is just too long to wait for that microwave. With a side of 3 year old crying, "Ammon said I'm mean!!" and me explaining, "Ammon can't talk!"
Kole won't eat. We wonder how he is still alive. Must be getting nutrients from that cup of applesauce and 4 pieces of candy he had at 8:30 this morning. Kole just told me he's hungry. But he refuses to eat anything.
While I try and eat my lunch Ammon ends up on top of the table in front of me fishing his hands around in my drink. I take him off the table and he and Kole occupy themselves with a fight. I keep eating. I find Ammon sucking on the computer screen. I stop him, wipe off the screen, then go to finish lunch to find Ammon on the table fishing in my drink, again. I get a new drink and find Ammon on the table dumping out the salt. I get him down and take a drink to find my cup now contains salt water. Find Ammon on the table again.
Put Ammon down for a nap as he gently tries to rip my throat open. Found food in my hair, and on my ear.
Got Abby off the bus. Put some lunch on the table for her, while she washed her hands. Found Chance our dog had taken her lunch off the table (for the first time ever!!!). Chased Chance around the house. Ready to kill him. Put him in his kennel and got Abby new lunch. Who wants a dog?
Roger called to tell me we got paid. I was mad about Chance. Roger: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Do we have a taser?"
Roger: "No..."
Me: "We probably shouldn't buy one then. It wouldn't be safe with me."
Ammon's stinky, again.
We left for a 2 hour long drive down to my prenatal appointment. On the way down Abby asked me if the sun was made of angels. I explained the sun. They continued talking about angels for a while. Got to appointment. Heard the heartbeat. All seems to be well. Got dinner. Kole ate about 4 bites. On the way home Ammon kept himself busy by screaming like he was being murdered... The. Whole. Way. Home. Over Ammon's screaming I hear Abby say she wants to be a mom when she grows up. Kole adds that he wants to be a dad when he grows up. Finally the last 5 minutes of the drive I couldn't take the screaming anymore and started singing a song to him that had something to do with him being a stinky pants and grumpy boy. I totally made it up, that's just how good I am. That kept him happy the rest of the way home and kept Abby and Kole exploding with giggles. Got kids in bed. Chance has gas from Abby's lunch, it really stinks. I collapsed in exhaustion on the couch. Realized I have lots of cleaning that needs to be done before some ladies come over in the morning. Completely ignored the need for cleaning and decided to take a bubble bath. Except the kids are yelling about each other and I have to intervene. Guess that bubble bath will have to wait.
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